i can do this for the Lord & get away with it

This. This is terrifying.

You are about to see the realest & rawest version of my heart.

& I'm terrified.

I wouldn't share if I didn't think the Lord was nudging me to, though, so it is my prayer that these words would have an impact. Maybe these words will have an impact on many people, maybe they will have an impact on one person, or maybe they will simply have an impact on me. I'm leaving that part up to God. It is my prayer that through my journey, others may see the glory & sovereignty of our Heavenly Father. Writing has been a powerful form of communication for me in the past, and I believe that God can & WILL use my writing again.

You may be asking what it is that I am so nervous to share... Well, I'll start this the way I've started many of the conversations with my friends & family regarding this very topic:

I have no idea how you're going to react & I won't be surprised if you have lots of questions. I expect that. I recognize this can seem out of nowhere & you may feel blindsided. For that, I apologize. It is never my intention for people to feel as though I am hiding things. I haven't written in a while, but that is not for lack of God moving in my life. Rather, He has moved so RADICALLY I have struggled to find the words. He is good. He is gracious. He is glorious. He is worthy of every bit of praise I can give & more. WOW.

At this point, you may be thinking "BROTHER WHAT THE H*CK JUST TELL US GOSH DANG IT WE WANT THE TEA & YOU'RE PICKING UP THE PITCHER TOO SLOWLY !!!"

& to that I say... Patience is a virtue. *wink*

Anywho, now that I have THOROUGHLY procrastinated...

I am entering the Catholic Church.

I'm going to say that again. I'm going to bold that sentence. I don't want any of you to question whether you read that correctly. Yes. Yes you did. I am entering the Catholic Church. Make no mistake here. Big C Catholic. THE Roman Catholic Church. You know, the one with Pope Francis... in the Vatican? Yeah. That one.

A few notes I would like to add really quickly:

1. I did not procrastinate writing the bold sentence because it is a decision I am ashamed to make. I just wanted to mentally prepare both of us for that sentence to escape my fingers, because let's face it - if you've known me for any chunk of time outside of the past few months, this is SHOCKING. What can I say...

2. I do not tell this story to discount anyone else’s faith life or journey, including my own up until this point. There have been SO MANY incredible people in my life that have shown me what it looks like to pursue Jesus & seek a relationship with Him daily. In high school, this summer, at home, & at K-State I was able to walk through life with people whose hearts are on FIRE for the Lord. I am not running away from that. Rather, I am diving into that & embracing it. I am running straight into the arms of Jesus & I want you to know that I’m okay.

I suppose I'll start this story from the beginning. Buckle up, kids, because this is going to be a WILD ride.

Let's flash back to November 1. It was the weekend of the KU vs K-State football game in Lawrence, & Natalie came up to stay with me. Then I was going to take her to the game with me on November 2. Mary Ann was going to ride with us & it was going to be a BLAST. The night of the 1st, Natalie & I had gone to get ice cream & when we came back there were about six people in my dorm room & half of them I had never met before. One of whom was a Wild Woman with long dark hair. She looked so strong I thought she could have poked me & I would have crippled to the floor in defeat.

After a rather chaotic evening (which included standing in the hallway and singing happy birthday to multiple people we didn’t know), this Wild Woman mentioned she was planning on going to the football game because her family was going, but she didn't want to drive, so she didn't know if she was going to go after all. Naturally, I told her she could ride with us. Now is an important time to remind you I had no idea who she was.

Mary Ann, Natalie, & I picked the Wild Woman up in the morning, and we left for Lawrence... after purchasing 40 nuggets & a few chicken strips of course. We went to the game, destroyed KU, & headed home. We stopped in Topeka on the way home for pizza & discovered that the dear Wild Woman no longer had her wallet. She had slipped it into a coat "pocket" only to realize it was not actually a pocket after all.

Sigh.

I knew that if our roles were reversed in that moment I would have wanted to go back & look for the wallet, as hopeless as it may have seemed. So what did we do? You guessed it... We turned around & drove back to Lawrence where we searched every single track we had made. We even asked a security guard in the stadium to check for us. His search proved unsuccessful, but he gave us a phone number to call. Long story short, whoever found the wallet was sober enough & gracious enough to turn it in. It was returned to the Wild Woman & all was well. I thought this would be my last encounter with the Wild Woman considering all the stress that trip caused me.

BROTHER I WAS WRONG.

Who is this Wild Woman? An incredible soul, that's who. A heart chasing relentlessly after Jesus. A human so in awe with our Creator she speaks of little other than Him. A woman better known as Bridget May.

please meet the one & only Wild Woman :)

We started hanging out with the same friend group every so often, but we weren't particularly close, we just happened to have the same friends. Then, Challenge Baptism night rolled around & Bridget heard I was going to get baptized. Because she knew me, she wanted to support me, but she was unable to make it. She still wanted to hear my testimony, though, so she wanted to hang out & chat. She ended up coming over one Saturday & we spent the day telling each other our whole life stories - the good, the bad, & especially the ugly.

Bridget is a devout Catholic & it was so good to hear her heart. But I'll admit, I was worried for her and a little doubtful. You see, First Semester Bridget and Second Semester Bridget are two very different people. At that point in time, I only knew First Semester Bridget, & I'm a little embarrassed to admit I was doubtful that she truly KNEW the Lord. Not only was First Semester Bridget a Catholic (which she clearly still is), but, from what I could tell, she spent just as much time at the frat houses on Saturday night as she did in Mass on Sunday morning. However, here she was telling me of her pilgrimage to Rome, her work at camp & the ways that she served other students throughout high school. Uh yeah right. The Lord was using THIS mess of a woman? Doubtful. She sounded like a mission field if you asked me & I couldn't wait to share the Gospel with her.

Looking back, though, I seemed to focus a lot more on the negative that SHE had done rather than the positive that the LORD was doing. With the guidance of some other friends, Bridget had made her way back to Christ, & toward the end of the semester she started living into that again.

Then, one Sunday Tricia & I had no dinner plans. The dining halls are all closed for Sunday dinners, so we usually make plans on a week by week basis. I mean, at this point the dining halls are closed for good because #thankscorona... This particular week Bridget invited us to St. Isidore's, the Catholic Student Center on campus for Dollar Dinner. St. Isidore's serves dinner every Sunday evening after the 5:30 Mass & all are welcome.

We went because there aren't too many other places in town where you can eat a full meal for $1 & brother I was UNCOMFY. Right when we walked in the doors I was handed a book titled Rediscover the Saints & I accepted it with a smile, but inside I was FREAKING OUT. I think I was visibly uncomfortable because Bridget wanted to grab coffee & chat about what made me so uncomfortable. I NEVER turn down a coffee date, so we decided to grab coffee the day before she headed home for Christmas break.

At coffee she told me she was going on two retreats over Christmas break. Though we weren't super close at this point, I still cared about her & I wanted to hear about her experiences. I told her to FaceTime me when she got back so she could tell me all about her trips.

Brother.

What a turning point.

She got back from her first retreat, but I was in Oklahoma City with my family so I didn't answer her call. I ended up calling her back while she was on her second trip & our conversation was fairly short. Then, when we were both home we were able to chat uninterrupted. She told me all about her retreats & I had so many questions. Since both of the retreats were Catholic, there were so many parts I didn't understand.

This initial call led to hours upon hours upon hours of DEEP conversation. I have never spent so much time pouring over Scripture… Or on FaceTime for that matter. Every disagreement there was to cover between the Protestant faith & the Catholic faith we hit. Throughout all of this we made it very clear to each other that the intent of our conversations was not to convert the other person. We just wanted to understand what the other person believed in order to understand & love them better. Every conversation ended with "I love you. I respect you. I disagree with you. I love you." Wow. I am so thankful for the heart of Bridget May.

The problem here was that everything I said I backed up with Scripture & everything she said she backed up with Scripture.

Hold on.

Let's pause on that for a moment.

I’d like to start by saying I don’t say anything to try & convince you to convert. I say these things to show you my journey in the best way I can. You do not have to agree with everything I write. I admit, there may be some paragraphs that get a little uncomfortable. You do not have to like everything I write, but if you have questions I encourage you to reach out to me or conduct research on your own. Challenge what you know and seek answers.

Okie doke. Let’s proceed.

Scripture does NOT contradict itself, so how could it be that Scripture was supporting two different arguments? The answer here is simple: It wasn't.

(ALSO we were looking at two DIFFERENT Bibles because hers had seven more books than mine did... but we'll come back to THAT in a little bit...)

I believe we serve a Loving Father. I believe that every word of Sacred Scripture is one THOUSAND percent God-breathed & divinely inspired. I also believe that because He is loving, He would not give us these beautiful words with no trusted way to interpret them. I don't believe He inspired these words & then looked at us & said "Hey kids! I hope you can figure it out!" It makes sense to me that there was a way He INTENDED for His Word to be understood. There are over 30,000 denominations of Christianity which means there are that many different ways to interpret the Bible... but is that what God had in mind?

There are both objective truths & subjective truths, but only one of these describes reality as is. That truth is objective. It is NOT subjective, meaning truth does not change from person to person. We don't get to pick & choose which parts we want to believe & ignore the rest, even when the parts we want to ignore are the hard parts. Partial truth is not truth. I point all of this out for one reason. I believe there is one true way God intended for His word to be understood... which means there are at least 29,999 wrong ways.

Now let's look back at the fact that we were using different Bibles. Okie doke kids. That Book of Sacred Scripture? THE BIBLE…? Not only do I believe God doesn’t want us to just have at it in terms of interpretation, I also believe He didn't drop it out of the sky. Christians didn't magically wake up one day with the list of scrolls to assemble sitting on their bedside table. Actual humans here on earth with physical legs and skin and eyes and brains were the ones that took the books & assembled them into the Bible. I don’t say this to say that it wasn’t a prayerful process because it MOST CERTAINLY WAS. I say this to point out, that to some extent at least, we all trust Church Authority. So then if there is supposedly no Church Authority when did that authority end? At what point did we decide we no longer needed an authority?

Well friends, I’ll tell ya exactly when that was. In 382 the Catholic canon of 73 books was set at the Council of Rome. This list was ratified again in 393, 397, 405, 419, & 1546. It wasn’t until the Protestant Reformation around 1522 that we see a canon with only 66 books. Martin Luther removed 7 of the books in the original canon. As well as removing Ben Sirach, Judith, Tobit, Wisdom, Baruch, 1 & 2 Maccabees, & parts of Esther and Daniel, he also attempted to remove Hebrews, James, Jude, & Revelation.

Another thing I would like to point out really quickly. I do not believe our God is a God of coincidences. I don’t think things just HAPPEN, ESPECIALLY in regards to Scripture. That being said, consider this: 7 is a holy number. 7 is literally PERFECT. It is the number of completeness and perfection. We see this multiple times throughout the Bible. For example, God rested on the SEVENTH day, people marched around Jericho SEVEN times, there were SEVEN churches in Revelation, and there are many other examples. A quick google search proves that fairly quickly. Guess what other number just so happens to be holy? You guessed it: 3. Consider the Trinity, Peter’s THREE denials of Jesus, Jesus’ THREE affirmations of love for Peter, & Jesus resurrection on the THIRD day. What about the number 6? It falls one short of 7. It falls one short of perfection. 6 is the perfect representation of imperfection. How many books does the Catholic Bible have? 73. How many books does the Protestant Bible have? 66. Again, I don’t believe I serve a God of coincidences. This wasn’t a main point of conversion for me, but definitely not something I could overlook.

When Bridget & I addressed this issue she pointed out another startling truth. At least one of us was wrong. Either (A) there are 73 books in the Canon, (B) there are 66 books in the Canon, or (C) there is an entirely different Canon, but there cannot be (D) BOTH 66 & 73 books in the Canon. We were not both right.

That realization was a little soul shaking for me...

Let's resume.

It was around this time that Bridget asked me if I had ever heard of Francis Chan. What a ridiculous question. OF COURSE I had heard of Francis Chan. I had read his books, done his Bible studies, & watched his videos. Francis Chan was for SURE a reliable source & I was THRILLED that Bridget seemed to be interested in him. Maybe if she saw how wise he was she would consider converting! Now, I don’t know how many of you follow dear Franny Channy very closely, but recently he made some VERY Catholic remarks regarding Holy Communion. Bridget proceeded to send me a 3-minute clip which turned my world upside-down.

It had always been so clear to me that Francis Chan knew Christ on an incredibly personal level. So maybe, just maybe, if he was agreeing with a Catholic viewpoint there was some sort of truth hidden within his words. I couldn’t shake what I heard him say. He spoke on the Eucharist & his words were incredibly moving. I’ll link the video right here & I encourage you to pause in your reading & go watch, but for those of you who would rather continue to read, I’ll go ahead & provide a condensed transcript:

“I didn’t know that for the first 1500 years of Church history, everyone saw it as the literal Body & Blood of Christ. It wasn’t until 500 years ago that someone popularized the thought that it’s just a symbol & nothing more. It was at that same time that for the first time someone put a pulpit in the front of the gathering. Before that it was always the Body & Blood of Christ that was central to the gatherings. For 1500 years, it was never one guy & his pulpit being the center of the Church. It was the Body & Blood of Christ & even the leaders saw themselves as partakers. I say that because the Church is more divided than anytime in history. What does the Book tell us clearly? That He does not want any division in His Church. For 1000 years there was just one Church. We’re so used to growing up in a time when there are over 30,000 Christian denominations, but for the first 1000 years there was just one. What was interesting is Communion was at the center of the room every time they gathered, & it wasn’t a pulpit where a guy preached after studying in his office by himself for 20 hours. Right now, we’ve got guys like me, that go in a room and study. Meanwhile, other guys go in their rooms & study. Then we all start giving messages, some contradicting each other. Everyone is following different guys. I believe there was something about taking Communion out of the center of the Church & replacing it with a gifted speaker. Not that that gifted speaker is not part of the Body of Christ & a gift to the Body of Christ, but the Body itself needs to be back at the center of the Church.” – Francis Chan

Wow. That was a tough one to hear, I’m not going to lie.

I started to consider where it was that this division started. There have been so many schisms that I fear we don’t recognize how heartbreaking they truly are. Jesus called us to unity. I began to study the schisms in the Church & the Protestant Reformation in particular. I studied more & more, but the deeper I got, the more frustrated I became. Yes, there were issues in the Church at the time & there were pieces of the Church that truly needed reforming. However, there is a difference between a reformation and a revolution.

By this point, our conversations were starting to get exhausting for me. Even though I was spending hours each day in Scripture, I was simply spiritually exhausted. Later I found out Bridget was thriving like never before, & I think this difference really shows what was going on in my heart. I was fighting to find ways to defend what I believed like never before, & Bridget was just doing research & speaking from her heart.

It was about this time that the real kicker came. I was getting frustrated & was about to be done with this whole thing when Bridget May made a statement that I will NEVER forget. She told me if I could disprove three things, she would consider leaving the Catholic Church because her entire faith would collapse. The idea of her leaving the Church FILLED me with excitement, so I asked what that would entail.

She gave me a list & it looked like this:

1. Apostolic Succession

2. Church Authority

3. The Eucharist

The task was simple. Disprove these & I'd have a new Protestant convert friend! Easy money. How exciting! But oh, how the turntables...

I did my research, & I learned very quickly how important it is to gather information on what Protestants believe from Protestant sources & information on what Catholics believe from Catholic sources. When looking at Catholic sources, I realized that I had it all wrong in my brain. Everything I believed about the Catholic faith was so skewed. I had gathered all of my knowledge of the Catholic faith from Protestant sources & when people tried to tell me otherwise, I simply discounted them as wrong. I realized that in the past I believed what I wanted to about the Catholic Church & I filtered all incoming information through the lens of what I already believed to be true. I believed the Catholic Church was full of Mary-worshippers who lacked any real relationship with Christ. Much to my dismay, my research seemed to turn up results that proved drastically different.

I dove deep, kids. I searched up & down to find ways to disprove Bridget. I scoured Scripture for hours on end, found articles, watched videos, reached out to pastors, & prayed a LOT. I found plenty of arguments for why the Catholic Church is wrong, make no mistake. However, when stacked against the arguments of why the Catholic Church is RIGHT, there was no question in my mind of which made more sense. None of my research seemed to be conclusive in the way I hoped it would be. It certainly WAS conclusive, but for an argument other than the one I was fighting for.

This research lasted all the way until the end of break, & it left me with MUCH to think about on my way back to Manhattan.

I got back to Manhattan Monday, January 20, because classes didn’t start until Tuesday, & I told sweet Bridget May that I would join her for Mass on Monday night. My first stop upon returning to Manhattan was in the parking lot across from Wefald. I picked Bridget up, & we headed to Boyd to unload my stuff. Keep in mind that this was the first time we had seen each other in person for a month. From that moment forward, we have been inseparable. However, that first day back didn’t look too promising at first.

Bridget helped me unload our stuff & then we decided to go to the number one travel destination in Manhattan, Kansas: Bluestem Bistro. I think I spent more time at Bluestem than I did in my dorm room, & that’s counting the hours was asleep… (Tricia can vouch for that) WE LOVE THE STEM IT IS HANDS DOWN THE BEST COFFEE SHOP IN MHK NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!! Back to my story…

We asked another friend, our dear Cate Robbins if she wanted to go & she was in. Cate Robbins is a precious human being for three reasons. One, she just is. If you’ve ever had the privilege of meeting her you would know the light that shines from her soul & if you’ve never met Cate, then drive to Illinois right now because you’re missing out. Or don’t, ya know, cause quarantine... Two, her car has cool lights inside & she is very willing to be the driver. & three, she keeps a Bible in her car all the time. Wow. What a woman.

The exact details of how that afternoon went are foggy in my mind, but I can tell you for certain that there was a point when Bridget & I were sitting alone in Cate’s car & I whipped out the Bible. Almost IMMEDIATELY we threw ourselves into the “missing 7 or 7 extra” debate which led straight to John 6 which just so happens to be the Bread of Life Discourse. I mean we WENT AT IT for a solid six minutes & then Cate came back & drove us to Bluestem.

Neither of us acknowledged it at the time, but both of us wondered if our friendship was even going to survive. We wondered if we were going to push each other over the edge with no way to return.

We ended up sitting in a pretty large group at Bluestem & it was so good to catch up with everybody. Throughout this whole conversation, Bridget & I were dropping Protestant/Catholic jokes that only we understood, & it was at that moment that we realized that Bridget could say certain things & my heart rate would skyrocket. I’m talking going from 65 BPM to 120 BPM in a matter of seconds… Yeah… Maybe not healthy… Quick shoutout to Bridget for intentionally giving me a heart attack every 37 seconds… That’s what friends are for right??

She could merely say the word “seven” & I could hear my heart beat out loud. She says she never knew why that happened at the time, but I knew why that happened. She just thought she was making me mad & I was trying not to argue. The real story was a little different though. My heart was stirring & I didn’t want a single other soul to know it.

After Bluestem, several of us grabbed dinner together at the dining center. Bridget & I had the opportunity to tell our friends how our break went on a deeper level. That led to much more discussion about differences & beliefs. I stayed fairly silent during this conversation. There came a point when someone asked what denomination each person at the table identified with. When the question came around to me, I didn’t know how to answer. I was raised in the Methodist Church. I went to camp & youth group with the Baptist Church. I was involved in a Nondenominational Campus Ministry. How was I even supposed to answer this question? I was honest. I said I didn’t know what I would consider myself. Looking back, I think that was a pretty defining moment for me.

It was around that time that I stopped verbally disagreeing with Bridget when we were around other people. I didn't defend her arguments, but I no longer spoke out against her in groups.

That night I joined Bridget for Mass. St. Isidore’s has a 9:09 PM Mass daily & we went. I was terrified & I’d be lying if I told you any differently. B May was sweet & she grabbed a pen & a small booklet with the order of the Mass & then led me to a pew at the very back. She knelt down before entering the pew (What?? Weird…) & I followed her in. I didn’t genuflect. I didn’t kneel. I didn’t speak. I didn’t sing. I didn’t do the motions. But I did pray. I spoke to my Father from my heart. The One who wove my heart together sat with me. I didn’t attend Mass with the intention of observing the actions of everyone around me. I went in with the expectation that the Creator of the Universe would meet me in that chapel & hear my prayers. I journaled FURIOUSLY over the top of the words in the booklet Bridget gave me & I didn’t care at all who saw me.

Mass wasn’t uncomfortable. It was incredibly reminiscent of church back home. I wasn’t uncomfortable. The structure, reverence, & sacredness were familiar. I liked it. I’d dare to say I loved it.

This is where the story gets vulnerable. I mean REALLY vulnerable. I don’t know that I’ve actually told anyone everything that really went on in my head in full, but I want to capture as much of it as I can.

A side note I’d like to add really quick – at this time Bridget was still on the rowing team & her curfew was 10:00. BUT RIP TO HER ROWING CAREER… D1 athlete turned D-NONE athlete AM I RIGHT??

We went straight outside after Mass & got in Bridget’s minivan, lovingly named Bertha. I was pretty quiet for a few moments. I had a lot to process. Bridget alluded to the fact that it was okay if Mass was uncomfortable for me & she understood. I think she probably thought I didn’t like it & didn’t plan on returning. Then Bridget pulled up in front of Boyd & I LOST it. I didn’t know what the next move was, but I knew I loved Mass. I knew I wanted to go back. & that, my friends, was a terrifying thought. That was the first of many, MANY tear-filled conversations between that woman & I. She simply sat with me & let me feel. She let me be upset & confused & scared & excited & nervous & everything in between. Then she comforted. Then she prayed. Come Holy Spirit.

I still marvel at how the Lord saw me fit to be a friend of Bridget May. I don’t deserve her love or grace, yet she drowns me in it with every interaction. She is a picture of what it looks like to live & love like Jesus & He radiates from her every smile. What a privilege it was to have her hand to hold & what a reminder of the gentleness of Jesus.

I think after that conversation it was very clear that the Lord was moving & stirring in my heart. Bridget will tell you that at that point she knew my conversion was no longer a matter of if but when. I honestly don’t know if I had any clue where I was headed or what my journey was going to look like, but I knew the Lord was preparing to do BIG things & I was scared. Let me rephrase that. I DID have a clue of where I was headed, but I was TERRIFIED & didn’t admit anything to myself, let alone to Bridget May.

Sigh.

I went to bed, woke up the next morning, & started my second semester at Kansas State. I truthfully don’t remember if I went to Mass anymore that week, but I know that I went on Sunday. That was my first Sunday Mass, & it was a whole new ballgame. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Catholic Mass, Sunday Mass is like… Well… It’s like Mass. There is no comparison. It is beautiful, breathtaking, & sacred.

Bridget always told me that Mass was never about what you got out of it. Rather, it was an act of sacrifice. This was always very confusing to me, and I wondered why you would attend if you weren’t going to hear a sermon that moved you toward living a holier life. What I discovered later is that Mass DOES move you toward living a holier life, but not because the priest tells you to. Rather, there is space for silence – space for JESUS to say something. & that, my friends, is a treasure. I started to wonder if I would still love church if all of the extras were gone. Would I still love church if it was centered around the Body & Blood as it had been long ago & as it STILL is in the Catholic Church? Would that get boring? If there were no coffee, lights, screens, bands, or comfy chairs… would I still love church? I didn’t have an answer to that question.

I pondered for a while, & then Wednesday rolled around. I went to Mass again & I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that came when I was in the chapel. I didn’t WANT to get rid of that feeling. It was an overwhelming sense of peace & I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was with me.

The number one thing holding me back was the fear of what other people would think of me. I didn’t know who I would lose by making this decision & to be honest, I’m still not sure who or what I’ll lose, but I know one thing: He is sovereign still. I meditated on the phrase “Jesus is worth everything” often, & I came to this conclusion: Just because Jesus is worth everything does not mean He will TAKE everything, just that I have to be willing to GIVE UP everything. He will absolutely provide for my every need & I have to trust that. There was so much uncertainty in my life, yet He never failed me once. He continues to reveal Himself & I continually stand in awe of His perfect timing, plan, & provision.

Time, as it generally does, continued to move & Wednesday turned into Thursday. Bridget had been telling me about Adoration. Basically, Christ is exposed in the Eucharist at the front of the chapel & people can come in & simply adore Him. I had the strange desire to plant myself in one of those chapels, so we went to Seven Dolors, a chapel where Adoration is available 24/7. I popped into a pew & was there for the next hour pouring my heart out. That was easily one of the most powerful hours of my life. I didn’t entirely know what was different at the time, but looking back I can tell you that the difference was Jesus.

Side note: As we were walking into the chapel we ran into a sweet girl named Michelle who was just leaving. At the time, I had no idea that Michelle would later come to be one of my sweetest friends and biggest encouragers. She matches my energy SO WELL & her heart is second to none. Michelle just celebrated the 4th anniversary of her Confirmation in the Catholic Church & it is such a privilege to have her walking through this journey with me!

post Izzy's formal pic !! what a treasure of a friend !!

After that my mind was fairly set. After experiencing what I had, I couldn’t NOT join the Catholic Church. I'm not saying that I even CLOSE to understand everything, but I don't think I have the right to disagree with parts I don't like or fully understand yet. If I did, I could start a brand new denomination. Anywho. He was speaking so clearly, I couldn’t ignore the call. So, as terrified as I was, I asked Bridget for Father Drew’s number. I texted him, & we set a time for me to come chat with him. This was another moment of PURE TERROR. Father Drew is NOT scary by any means. Actually, if you’re looking for a laugh go to St. Isidore’s Facebook page & watch him & Father Gale face off. Here’s the link :) It currently has over 47,000 views on Facebook so that’s saying something.

ANYWHO. I, Allison Dale, was about to talk with a PRIEST. As wise as Bridget is, there were questions I had she simply could not answer. What better way to find answers than to ask someone who knows? Crazy idea huh...

Father Drew & chatted for a while & came to the consensus that to learn more about baseball you go to the games, learn the rules, & talk to someone who understands the sport. So, I did just that. I went to the games, continued to learn more about the structure, and talked with many individuals who were very knowledgeable about the game. At that time he told me there was someone else he thought I should talk to.

This is where Elizabeth Mugler & Bryson Thomas enter the picture. Their stories aren’t mine to tell, so I won’t say too much, but wow. What incredible women of God. I went to Arrow (another coffee shop in MHK) & met Elizabeth there for the first time & my story strangely paralleled hers. Later, Bryson joined us, & her story was ALSO similar to mine. Elizabeth radiates Jesus so radically that His peace flows through her & washes over me when I sit with her, & Bryson exudes gentleness & understanding like no other. She listens with a loving heart & is so willing to just sit & be with me.

These two showed me what strength looks like. They have walked through my footsteps & they understand every single bit of my struggle. They were immense sources of encouragement & they continue to be still. They have shown me that my feelings & thoughts are valid & I do not have to be ashamed of them for a second. It’s okay for me to be nervous, but I know I do not have to sit alone in that.

Elizabeth & Bryson played a key role in encouraging me to bring this part of my life into the light with other people in my life. I will forever be thankful for their sweet presence.

ugh. my heart. i hope you can FEEL the abundance of joy here !!

A week later, St. Isidore’s hosted an event called Source & Summit. There was Adoration with praise & worship & then a priest gave a short talk. He told the story of how he went from being a collegiate baseball player to a student at seminary & he said one line that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. He said, “I can do this for the Lord & get away with it.”

I can do this for the Lord & get away with it. Wow. Let that sink in. I can do this for the Lord & GET AWAY WITH IT. I don’t have to be ashamed or scared of what I’m doing. I don’t have to worry about what others are going to think of my decisions. I can do this for the Lord & get away with it.

The next time I saw Father Drew in the Izzy’s lobby after Mass, I waltzed up to him & made a pretty blunt statement. I said, “Listen. I’m a full send or no send type of person & I know what I’m going to end up doing. Do I have to wait until next Easter to be confirmed?” He smiled a little bit & said no. We set up a time for us to meet & talk about what a realistic timeline would look like for me & that was that.

Since that moment I’ve had a lot of really raw & vulnerable conversations with many different people. So many people have responded with love & I feel so blessed to know that the Lord cares for me so well & He gave me so many gracious people. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support I have been shown.

I’d be crazy if I told you I knew everything there was to know about the Catholic Church. That’s part of the beauty. I get to keep learning & each day presents something new. At the same time, each day presents an opportunity for the Father to meet me in love exactly where I am.

I’d also be crazy if I didn’t recognize how quickly everything moved. I mean, the decision to convert can be one that takes some people years to make & my decision happened in 2.5 months. There were certainly times when I wondered if I was making the right decision, but each & EVERY SINGLE TIME the Lord affirmed my heart in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I don’t think it was an accident that my heart has changed so rapidly. I believe the Lord softened my heart & allowed me to fall in love with the Catholic Church so quickly so that I wouldn’t be trying to walk through that confusion during the midst of the coronavirus confusion that we’re in right now.

At the end of the day, His timing is perfect. It doesn’t always make sense, but there’s not a single thing that I can do to mess up His plan. My simple human hands are not capable of throwing His plan off course. & that, my friends, is rather comforting.

There are still a lot of unknowns in my life, but I know that I can rest in the arms of my Creator. This season of life has taught me what it looks like to trust Him with my every step & embrace what it looks like to seek His will for my life above my own.

If you’re still reading, then first of all thank you. Thank you for your patience & grace. I appreciate you. & second of all I’d like to leave you with two worship songs that the Lord spoke to me through in radical ways.

The first song is “Fade Away” by Passion & there are a couple different lyrics that I prayed with time & time again. The first is this:

“If You're not in it

Then I don't want it

Let all else fade away

Take the whole world

But give me Jesus

Let all else fade away”

& the second is this:

“Not my will

But Yours alone forever

Here’s my life

Have Your way.”

That is my prayer now & forever. Lord, here’s my life. Have Your way.

The second song I put on REPEAT is “Out of Hiding” by Steffany Gretzinger. Honestly that whole song is full of treasures, but the opening line strikes me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. There’s no music before the lyrics start & the words “Come out of hiding, you’re safe here with Me” seemingly come out of nowhere. Wow. All too relatable. The last line is also a beautiful form of comfort & I think I’ll leave you with this:

“Baby, you’re almost home now

Please don’t quit now

You’re almost home to me.”

I’m almost home & I couldn’t be more excited.

Again, if you have ANY questions or want to talk about any of this more in depth I am MORE than happy to chat with you. Whether that’s more about why I’m entering the Catholic Church, what the Catholic Church believes, what the Scriptures say, Scriptural evidence for the Catholic Church, helpful resources I’ve found, or anything else, I’m an open book. I recognize that this was a LOT and while I am still learning myself, I’d love to answer any questions you have.

With Love,

Allison